Still reading, but I noticed that Jared asserts that men dislike feminism.
That's news to me, a woman who knows SEVERAL men who are staunchly feminist and who don't feel threatened by feminism at all. Maybe because they managed to tune out the patriarchy's noise enough to understand that "feminism" just means that women should be acknowledged and treated as exactly as human as men. 🤔
Except…I have had men say they were on the side of feminism, when in fact they were quite sexist and expected the women in their lives (or the women they aspired to have in their lives) to fulfill traditional roles. Many men do not know what the hell they want, beyond the household equivalent of having the metaphorical trains run on time.
As a guy, this isn't an unfair assessment. I'm better than I was when I was younger, but I still sometimes find myself falling into gendered assumptions and expectations. Thankfully, I'm generally more aware of my thinking now, so those assumptions don't take root and become the default.
I was prepared to bristle after "As a guy." but I persisted and see your point. It's the generally more aware I fundamentally distrust. That can mean anything.
I could go on all day about this, but I recently read two really good essays on this very subject.
I Do Not Believe Men Can Be Feminists...from an evil woman
Women Keep having the Audacity...Professor Meredith
If you have any doubt about the accuracy of her assessment "unfair" is generous. If you need evidence and amusement. A peek into how bad not all men are.
The best part of a man is his wife... Brooke Teagarden
I was responding to Hortense rather than to Professor Meredith's article, but I see that my post didn't make that clear. I enjoy the professor's articles here, as well as Brooke Teagarden's.
For the record, I haven't found any of the professor's articles yet that I disagree with. This one is more than just "not unfair"; she's pointing up patterns I've seen in how many other men I've known have treated their wives. Not all, fortunately, but more than enough to go "seriously, fellow males, wtf?"
I don't blame you distrusting the phrasing "generally more aware"; it can be ambiguous. In my case, I was referring to learning to pay more attention to the direction my thoughts go from practicing mindfulness meditation, going through therapy (still ongoing) and from reading the Substacks of several women here.
I try to avoid the phrase "not all men" because too often, it's used to dismiss people's lived experiences. Having been an abuse victim whose experiences were dismissed and disbelieved myself, I don't want to do it to anyone else.
That is a very good definition of feminism. I am amused at how meaningful it is to me as I read it and how naturally you arrive at it. The feminism "just means" is very disarming and then you nail the point. It is a great sentence.
I agree, it's the best definition of feminism I have read. So simple, so clear, so powerful and easy to apply in so many situations - including the most important fight, male sexual harassment and abuse of women.
This isn’t what feminism means. In practice, it means changing policy to favor women over men, and general social maligning of men. Your words and actions are incongruent, and many people notice.
Ding ding ding, it’s time for men to predictably troll a feminist’s comment section. No it doesn’t. But when the system is rigged to exclude women for centuries by law and custom, unwinding that will feel icky to men for a bit. I think it’s funny that the feminist men in my life don’t feel any vitriol towards feminism.
Slight correction: unwinding that will feel icky to insecure men. It brings zero ick to all the men I know who are naturally predisposed toward equality.
Not allowing women a vote until 1920 (effectively no Black women until 1964 or so)?, Ceiling in the proportion of women admitted to medicine until 1969? ; Superior universities barred from accepting women?; adult, employed women not able to get a loan, a mortgage, or a credit-card, until mid-1970’s or later? How is the legacy, of these long-standing “rigging against women” (which our mothers or grandmothers experienced in full, affecting how they raised us) —How can you call that “mythology”?
It's quaint how men like Jare never acknowledge that every single man has the option of not using their penis to impregnate someone, which is a 100% reliable way not to ever have to worry about child support OR abortion. :)
“Responsible custody of your own sperm”, that would be more effective, if taught widely, than the silly advice that women “keep their knees together” (The latter advice does not keep two horny ppl —one female who can bend in different directions and one irresponsible sperm-depositor —from producing a conception.)
You’re missing Jared’s point. The woman is responsible for contraception. As a male, he has the right to insert his penis into any woman he wishes, and if she denies him then it’s because feminism has ruined her and now she hates men.
About three years after after my divorce, and less than one year after my mom's death, I had lunch with my mom's sisters + my great aunt from Italy. Everyone but my great aunt was asking me why I wasn't dating, why didn't I have a man. I turned to my great aunt, who was a widow, and asked her why she never remarried (her husband died when she was in her late 30s, leaving her with 4 children to raise on her own). She said, "Do you think I wanted to wash another man's underpants ever again?!" Translation: She was done. She raised her kids and is living a very full life. I turned to my other aunts and said, "If staying single for the rest of her life is good enough for her it's good enough for me." I have no regrets.
Maybe we need to establish a stereotype of the manbaby who has mantrums, is testerical and is constantly seeking himpathy.
I was very interested in your explanation of how “girls mature faster” is weaponised to make us absorb everyone else’s bad behaviour (I am not just talking about men here, I used to tread on eggshells round my Mother and learned at a young age how to read her moods. She left my Dad because he wasn’t “exciting” enough. Mind you, best thing she did for him, because he met and married a wonderful woman and they were married for over 40 years before he died last year).
Anyway, I saw something on Pinterest this morning which seems appropriate here:
“Dysfunctional family systems don’t get mad at the abuse. They get mad at the person brave enough to call it out. And that is the dysfunction working as intended”.
I love your work, thank you. And I still read anti-feminist accounts with my jaw on the floor wondering what world they are living in.
Wow. Jared would have loved my dad and approved of his 54 year marriage to my mom. They were til death do us part, and my dad would have agreed with every one of his points, right down to "I'm a good man!Ask any of these random people I have impressed by my tales of being a good guy!"
My mom, for pretty much every word Professor Meredith wrote here, resented the everloving fucking hell out of him, all day every day, and was quite relieved when he passed a couple of years ago. Unfortunately that much pent up resentment and anger has done a number on her health so she cannot enjoy her freedom as much as she would like.
Me? After watching their marriage vowed by age ten to never marry. I didn't need feminism for that, just the vision of marriage Jared endorses playing out every day in my jouse!
I share a similar experience of having watched my parents’ relationship in action (even though in my case, eventually my mother extricated herself, at great personal peril–but such a moment of clarity and relief for me to see that what I saw was not a mirage). It feels like a variation of “the problem that has no name.” It is startlingly valuable to hear something like this personal history. Thank you. I feel like many little veils of sadness and awareness continue to be lifted.
Jared sounds like he was or is currently a youth pastor. I hope his ex-wife is out there learning the reality about feminism and enjoying what I suspect may be her first orgasm.
I am so grateful that Jared, who is apparently a wise man, has chosen to explain women's thoughts, feelings, attitudes, assumptions, and behavior to all of us benighted females. We continue to be at a loss when trying to understand ourselves without appropriate guidance. He is indeed a boon to femininity.
I drove tractor trailers for 30 years--cross country, local, line haul, freight, construction, flatbed, reefer, tank, construction trucks. Over the years, my ability and skill at dealing with the unending onslaught of male hormonal behaviors morphed from saying "No, but thank you" when the lure was cast to finally, the simple but clear "It's mine, it belongs to me, and I decide who gets to use it." The Jareds never got it. Men didnt make me who I am today, becoming my true self, my authentic soul self, made me who I am. I have many male friends whom I consider beloved brothers, sex has never been part of the equation between us, we are dear friends. They do not count themselves among the resentful and aggrieved who are STILL explaining to women why we don't like them . IYKYK. My best and only advice to the Jareds is "Start with the man in the mirror." Tell him the truth. It's the only way.
I can't wait for men like Jared to be able to own/marry sexbots. That's really what he wants: a mindless slave who will never reject him. Give it to him! He'll still be unhappy.
Fully agree with your interpretation of "girls mature faster" as placing addl responsibility on girls. It was part of teaching me how to manage my response to boys' behavior to achieve the best possible outcome, bc they "can't" manage their behavior themselves.
Which obvs extends into adulthood when we are expected to make sure we don't "cause" a man to treat us badly. Pernicious from many angles!
It never ceases to amaze me that these cucks have zero problem identifying all black/brown man are "inherently bad/ gangsters" etc. but when it comes to white men, then we have to treat them all nice and kind because only a "few are bad guys". Well excuse me chad, its not like you walk around with a rating system thats blinks neon over your head that would allow me to have that info up front. Lastly, men are feeling the heat from women more because a lot of us decided to take the kid gloves off and treat them like adults. Directly calling our their bs, outright telling them no when they try and have bad faith arguments, etc. I feel bad for next gal who gets trapped with him. 😕
Still reading, but I noticed that Jared asserts that men dislike feminism.
That's news to me, a woman who knows SEVERAL men who are staunchly feminist and who don't feel threatened by feminism at all. Maybe because they managed to tune out the patriarchy's noise enough to understand that "feminism" just means that women should be acknowledged and treated as exactly as human as men. 🤔
Except…I have had men say they were on the side of feminism, when in fact they were quite sexist and expected the women in their lives (or the women they aspired to have in their lives) to fulfill traditional roles. Many men do not know what the hell they want, beyond the household equivalent of having the metaphorical trains run on time.
As a guy, this isn't an unfair assessment. I'm better than I was when I was younger, but I still sometimes find myself falling into gendered assumptions and expectations. Thankfully, I'm generally more aware of my thinking now, so those assumptions don't take root and become the default.
I was prepared to bristle after "As a guy." but I persisted and see your point. It's the generally more aware I fundamentally distrust. That can mean anything.
I could go on all day about this, but I recently read two really good essays on this very subject.
I Do Not Believe Men Can Be Feminists...from an evil woman
Women Keep having the Audacity...Professor Meredith
If you have any doubt about the accuracy of her assessment "unfair" is generous. If you need evidence and amusement. A peek into how bad not all men are.
The best part of a man is his wife... Brooke Teagarden
All on Substack.
I was responding to Hortense rather than to Professor Meredith's article, but I see that my post didn't make that clear. I enjoy the professor's articles here, as well as Brooke Teagarden's.
For the record, I haven't found any of the professor's articles yet that I disagree with. This one is more than just "not unfair"; she's pointing up patterns I've seen in how many other men I've known have treated their wives. Not all, fortunately, but more than enough to go "seriously, fellow males, wtf?"
I don't blame you distrusting the phrasing "generally more aware"; it can be ambiguous. In my case, I was referring to learning to pay more attention to the direction my thoughts go from practicing mindfulness meditation, going through therapy (still ongoing) and from reading the Substacks of several women here.
I try to avoid the phrase "not all men" because too often, it's used to dismiss people's lived experiences. Having been an abuse victim whose experiences were dismissed and disbelieved myself, I don't want to do it to anyone else.
Thank you for the thoughtful response.
You're welcome. Thank you for engaging what I posted instead of bristling. ;)
They want a mommy with benefits
That’s quite common I guess for genz.
That is a very good definition of feminism. I am amused at how meaningful it is to me as I read it and how naturally you arrive at it. The feminism "just means" is very disarming and then you nail the point. It is a great sentence.
I agree, it's the best definition of feminism I have read. So simple, so clear, so powerful and easy to apply in so many situations - including the most important fight, male sexual harassment and abuse of women.
This isn’t what feminism means. In practice, it means changing policy to favor women over men, and general social maligning of men. Your words and actions are incongruent, and many people notice.
Ding ding ding, it’s time for men to predictably troll a feminist’s comment section. No it doesn’t. But when the system is rigged to exclude women for centuries by law and custom, unwinding that will feel icky to men for a bit. I think it’s funny that the feminist men in my life don’t feel any vitriol towards feminism.
Slight correction: unwinding that will feel icky to insecure men. It brings zero ick to all the men I know who are naturally predisposed toward equality.
Not allowing women a vote until 1920 (effectively no Black women until 1964 or so)?, Ceiling in the proportion of women admitted to medicine until 1969? ; Superior universities barred from accepting women?; adult, employed women not able to get a loan, a mortgage, or a credit-card, until mid-1970’s or later? How is the legacy, of these long-standing “rigging against women” (which our mothers or grandmothers experienced in full, affecting how they raised us) —How can you call that “mythology”?
A man has appeared to explain feminism to the women! Thank god! Otherwise, our tiny little lady brains might not have been able to comprehend it!
This but unironically
Equality feels like oppression to you guys.
Actually it feels like oppression to you, because you’re the privileged ones.
Lmfaoo
Wow. Talk about being exactly the kind of guy that's the problem.
Troll 🧌
Um, no.
where “social maligning” is actually just store brand accountability….
Don’t forget to ignore words women say and you can make feminism whatever lets you off the hook for treating women like pets.
Thank goodness you are here to explain things! What would we do without your wit and wisdom?
Please educate yourself on feminism before commenting
I guess they bought the lies also. Men mansplaining to men
Given how much else Jared is wrong about, the implication is that men love feminism…
It's quaint how men like Jare never acknowledge that every single man has the option of not using their penis to impregnate someone, which is a 100% reliable way not to ever have to worry about child support OR abortion. :)
Getting a vasectomy, or using a condom, are certainly options, and it never seems to occur to him to take any responsibility.
How about he practice abstinence? Isn’t that what women are told?
“Responsible custody of your own sperm”, that would be more effective, if taught widely, than the silly advice that women “keep their knees together” (The latter advice does not keep two horny ppl —one female who can bend in different directions and one irresponsible sperm-depositor —from producing a conception.)
Agreed!!
You’re missing Jared’s point. The woman is responsible for contraception. As a male, he has the right to insert his penis into any woman he wishes, and if she denies him then it’s because feminism has ruined her and now she hates men.
How did you miss that— it seems so obvious!
Hahaha! True, I forgot to consider it with my manosphere hat on 😆
This is such a great piece. I love your work!
About three years after after my divorce, and less than one year after my mom's death, I had lunch with my mom's sisters + my great aunt from Italy. Everyone but my great aunt was asking me why I wasn't dating, why didn't I have a man. I turned to my great aunt, who was a widow, and asked her why she never remarried (her husband died when she was in her late 30s, leaving her with 4 children to raise on her own). She said, "Do you think I wanted to wash another man's underpants ever again?!" Translation: She was done. She raised her kids and is living a very full life. I turned to my other aunts and said, "If staying single for the rest of her life is good enough for her it's good enough for me." I have no regrets.
I think you would enjoy this film:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10692578/
Maybe we need to establish a stereotype of the manbaby who has mantrums, is testerical and is constantly seeking himpathy.
I was very interested in your explanation of how “girls mature faster” is weaponised to make us absorb everyone else’s bad behaviour (I am not just talking about men here, I used to tread on eggshells round my Mother and learned at a young age how to read her moods. She left my Dad because he wasn’t “exciting” enough. Mind you, best thing she did for him, because he met and married a wonderful woman and they were married for over 40 years before he died last year).
Anyway, I saw something on Pinterest this morning which seems appropriate here:
“Dysfunctional family systems don’t get mad at the abuse. They get mad at the person brave enough to call it out. And that is the dysfunction working as intended”.
I love your work, thank you. And I still read anti-feminist accounts with my jaw on the floor wondering what world they are living in.
Wow. Jared would have loved my dad and approved of his 54 year marriage to my mom. They were til death do us part, and my dad would have agreed with every one of his points, right down to "I'm a good man!Ask any of these random people I have impressed by my tales of being a good guy!"
My mom, for pretty much every word Professor Meredith wrote here, resented the everloving fucking hell out of him, all day every day, and was quite relieved when he passed a couple of years ago. Unfortunately that much pent up resentment and anger has done a number on her health so she cannot enjoy her freedom as much as she would like.
Me? After watching their marriage vowed by age ten to never marry. I didn't need feminism for that, just the vision of marriage Jared endorses playing out every day in my jouse!
I share a similar experience of having watched my parents’ relationship in action (even though in my case, eventually my mother extricated herself, at great personal peril–but such a moment of clarity and relief for me to see that what I saw was not a mirage). It feels like a variation of “the problem that has no name.” It is startlingly valuable to hear something like this personal history. Thank you. I feel like many little veils of sadness and awareness continue to be lifted.
Jared sounds like he was or is currently a youth pastor. I hope his ex-wife is out there learning the reality about feminism and enjoying what I suspect may be her first orgasm.
Spot on, as always!
Oh look. A man mansplaining women’s choices.
Go away. She’s your x for a reason.
I am so grateful that Jared, who is apparently a wise man, has chosen to explain women's thoughts, feelings, attitudes, assumptions, and behavior to all of us benighted females. We continue to be at a loss when trying to understand ourselves without appropriate guidance. He is indeed a boon to femininity.
I drove tractor trailers for 30 years--cross country, local, line haul, freight, construction, flatbed, reefer, tank, construction trucks. Over the years, my ability and skill at dealing with the unending onslaught of male hormonal behaviors morphed from saying "No, but thank you" when the lure was cast to finally, the simple but clear "It's mine, it belongs to me, and I decide who gets to use it." The Jareds never got it. Men didnt make me who I am today, becoming my true self, my authentic soul self, made me who I am. I have many male friends whom I consider beloved brothers, sex has never been part of the equation between us, we are dear friends. They do not count themselves among the resentful and aggrieved who are STILL explaining to women why we don't like them . IYKYK. My best and only advice to the Jareds is "Start with the man in the mirror." Tell him the truth. It's the only way.
Best comment <3
I can't wait for men like Jared to be able to own/marry sexbots. That's really what he wants: a mindless slave who will never reject him. Give it to him! He'll still be unhappy.
Right? Once men like Jared realize they can't make a sexbot feel bad, they'll want to switch back to women. 🙄
Mansplaining feminism is peak mansplaining
“I know her better than she does.”
The divorce came out of nowhere.
Fully agree with your interpretation of "girls mature faster" as placing addl responsibility on girls. It was part of teaching me how to manage my response to boys' behavior to achieve the best possible outcome, bc they "can't" manage their behavior themselves.
Which obvs extends into adulthood when we are expected to make sure we don't "cause" a man to treat us badly. Pernicious from many angles!
Thank you. So many parts of this were just spot on.
“I know her better than she does” is epic level arrogance.
Ok, you got me. I have to read this article because the image of this douchenozzle’s tweet is sending me.
It never ceases to amaze me that these cucks have zero problem identifying all black/brown man are "inherently bad/ gangsters" etc. but when it comes to white men, then we have to treat them all nice and kind because only a "few are bad guys". Well excuse me chad, its not like you walk around with a rating system thats blinks neon over your head that would allow me to have that info up front. Lastly, men are feeling the heat from women more because a lot of us decided to take the kid gloves off and treat them like adults. Directly calling our their bs, outright telling them no when they try and have bad faith arguments, etc. I feel bad for next gal who gets trapped with him. 😕
I bet she will be some teen from his church.