Thank you for this wonderful analysis. I wish I had this information at 22. Or 12. But, maybe wouldn’t have believed it then. It’s taken a lifetime to get here.
I, particularly, resonated with the point about observing the circumstances and adjusting behavior according to them.
Lastly, “vagenda!” now will be part of my vocabulary. What a hilarious word with such a poignant meaning.
Keep going, ProfM! You are a one woman force of Nature.
I wish I’d had it at 22 as well! Would have saved a lot of time worrying about the way I looked and behaved and if I was performing femininity “correctly.”
My entire life I was told all the ways I performed femaleness incorrectly. I looked the part though. In hindsight I realize that was part of the problem for many. The cognitive dissonance between my appearance as an attractive woman and my traits, that were considered masculine or interpreted through a biased lens, would make people uncomfortable. I’ve been called versions of too much so many times and it used to pack a punch. I always behave professionally and stay quiet when my voice isn’t called for, but I do stand up for what I believe. My therapist reframed it for me once. She said the word that comes to mind when I see you is fierce. It was accurate yet I’d never had it framed that way. I’d never felt that word belonged to me.
First, a moment of silence and a big sigh for LastBlueDog's article...*sigh*
Talk about pointing out the bars of one's cage while still not being able to see them.
The good and bad news is that since masculinity and femininty are social constructs, we have choices as to what these things mean.
A man can literally custom build his masculinity and it is totally fine to choose a masculine framework for one's life as long as it is the mature version.
The best choice of all however, is to not choose.
The masculine framework is an option. We men could instead choose to become the best version of our authentic selves and continue working towards even better versions of that self.
Not mention the freedom of that. Among other things, it allows men to engage in things because they want to and not just because it involves a manly trait.
Being able to make that choice however requires some degree of inner work and self-reflection. So to the men out there...
What a pleasure to hear such a sound voice in the debate that usually lacks nuance! "Courage, ambition, confidence, tenderness, empathy, discipline, anger, vulnerability, leadership, care and fear do not arrive in pink and blue containers. What gender determines is not who can possess these traits, but which people will be rewarded, excused, mocked or punished for showing them." Indeed. Sometimes going back to common sense is the best way forward.
I do agree with the sentiment though that progressives/Left/ miscellaneous don't understand masculinity/men/boys/nb at all. We seem to have a metaphorically stiffy when it comes to condemning anything negative men/boys do and attributing that to their masculinity.
Thank you for this wonderful analysis. I wish I had this information at 22. Or 12. But, maybe wouldn’t have believed it then. It’s taken a lifetime to get here.
I, particularly, resonated with the point about observing the circumstances and adjusting behavior according to them.
Lastly, “vagenda!” now will be part of my vocabulary. What a hilarious word with such a poignant meaning.
Keep going, ProfM! You are a one woman force of Nature.
The “vagenda” quote is from the TV show Fringe and it is hilarious both in and out of context.
I wish I’d had it at 22 as well! Would have saved a lot of time worrying about the way I looked and behaved and if I was performing femininity “correctly.”
This, this, so much this. Why does everything have to be viewed through the lens of gender? It’s not a very useful one.
My entire life I was told all the ways I performed femaleness incorrectly. I looked the part though. In hindsight I realize that was part of the problem for many. The cognitive dissonance between my appearance as an attractive woman and my traits, that were considered masculine or interpreted through a biased lens, would make people uncomfortable. I’ve been called versions of too much so many times and it used to pack a punch. I always behave professionally and stay quiet when my voice isn’t called for, but I do stand up for what I believe. My therapist reframed it for me once. She said the word that comes to mind when I see you is fierce. It was accurate yet I’d never had it framed that way. I’d never felt that word belonged to me.
Great post!
First, a moment of silence and a big sigh for LastBlueDog's article...*sigh*
Talk about pointing out the bars of one's cage while still not being able to see them.
The good and bad news is that since masculinity and femininty are social constructs, we have choices as to what these things mean.
A man can literally custom build his masculinity and it is totally fine to choose a masculine framework for one's life as long as it is the mature version.
The best choice of all however, is to not choose.
The masculine framework is an option. We men could instead choose to become the best version of our authentic selves and continue working towards even better versions of that self.
Not mention the freedom of that. Among other things, it allows men to engage in things because they want to and not just because it involves a manly trait.
Being able to make that choice however requires some degree of inner work and self-reflection. So to the men out there...
...do the work.
What a pleasure to hear such a sound voice in the debate that usually lacks nuance! "Courage, ambition, confidence, tenderness, empathy, discipline, anger, vulnerability, leadership, care and fear do not arrive in pink and blue containers. What gender determines is not who can possess these traits, but which people will be rewarded, excused, mocked or punished for showing them." Indeed. Sometimes going back to common sense is the best way forward.
I do agree with the sentiment though that progressives/Left/ miscellaneous don't understand masculinity/men/boys/nb at all. We seem to have a metaphorically stiffy when it comes to condemning anything negative men/boys do and attributing that to their masculinity.
I do agree with whats expressed in thia post. Ty