Goodness, I always thought that being a bride would be tbe most awkward and embarassing thing ever. I created a model riding school in my parents' attic with small plastic horses (all named, painted, height recorded with a scale model stick) and made stables, indoor arenas, jumping courses, etc.
As a girl I was always better at making emergency bug out kits for the alien invasion than a hope chest for my future marriage. In my adult life the emergency bug out kits knowledge has helped me plan ahead for just about anything. Never married, never plan to so the hope chest would have just sat there
Until I needed the linen sheets to make a rope or bandages.
Great article. I grew up in Mormonism, so I had gender expectations pushed on me even more aggressively than they are in the mainstream culture, which is really saying something. I pushed back from my earliest memories--I don't know why, but I did. My grandparents gave my parents dire warnings that if they didn't get me to play with dolls and accept wearing dresses, I would end up "a lesbian."
I did end up being bisexual, so I guess they were 50% right, lol.
this brought up so many amazing memories for me, thank you. i was definitely a bit weird, "whimsical" as it would be referred to today. and i love that for me. 😂
Thanks for this Professor Meredith. Brings me back to both my childhood and my Women’s studies days. So much of what women my age were taught as girls and what they historically did publicly was socially constructed as you have pointed out so eloquently here. It took me decades to find my own self once I got past my childhood.
Reading your essay brought to my mind my childhood imagination where gender roles did not matter at all/barely existed in the games and activities that my BFF and I as young girls played. We played the same outdoor activities that the boys did. Our neighborhood was pretty mixed and all of the children played together when it was out in the public arena aka street.
My BFF’s family had a ping pong table in the basement. We did indeed play ping pong at times, but mostly we played completely imaginary games under that table with little or no props. In those games, gender was irrelevant and we played all of the roles. All options were explored and we just enjoyed being ourselves - barely biting into the feminine role. Those days were pushed more and more into the past as I entered adolescence and young adulthood where I took on more of the traditional roles but I never really completely lost sight of my true self which came roaring back to me in my early 40s. But that is another very, very journey and story.
As a child, one of our bathrooms was my "lab". I did mysterious and magical things to anyone who dared enter. While I had Barbie dolls, they rode horses and did active things. Like driving around in Ken's jeep.
I never once played-acted bride. Seems pretty boring.
On a side note, my daughter asked for Barbie dolls. I bought her "doctor Barbie". Weird thing--the stethoscope was embedded in her chest, never to be removed. Talk about being married to your work. My kids did the same thing I did--Barbie rode horses, flew airplanes, etc. I don't remember if there was even a Ken.
I had barbies and my mom’s handmedown “Midge” dolls and I never played normal with any of them. My family was pretty low income, so most of my toys were older from my brother anyway. And a lot of “structural” toys. Lincoln Logs were a huge hit for me. I think my dad was HOPING for an engineer, he seems happy with the gender theorist/historian he got though.
This is amazing, thanks! I'd forgotten how I played when left to my own devices & now I'll be spending some time sitting with that. That little person didn't fit into anyone's boxes and tried to become as small as possible for survival. Enough of that!
Notably, I remember playing "Batman" with friends & insisting that a girl could be Batman. When I wasn't putting up food in preparation for marching into the woods & finding my own place to "Little House on the Prairie" with my dozen children (none of whom I gave birth to) & a bunch of flying monkeys.
I'm in my late 50s and don't really remember what I played as a child, but I do remember loving Pippi Longstocking - oh, to be a 12 year old girl who lived alone! That was such an appealing idea. I also spent most of my time climbing trees and playing on monkey bars, or riding my bike around. I did have a doll or two, but I don't remember doing much with them.
OMG! That reminds me of the most formative book of my childhood, another one about running away from home and living in the woods. Astrid Lindgren’s “Ronia, the Robber's Daughter” I must have read that one 100 times as a kid.
As a child I played with my youngest aunt who was just two years older but while we had dolls we preferred designing homes for them. We climbed trees, explored the vast garden, the lakes, ponds, etc. I liked my toy cars & like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes I built towns, cities & villages and then wrecked them! Not sure what that says about me. I went to space, under sea, into jungles & forests, up mountains...
Also never imagined myself as a bride. Here in South Asia the good bride sits demurely with her head board decked in red & tonnes of jewellery while everyone watches you & that to me was a nightmare situation. Neither did I want to play with dolls & be the mother. Completely natural.
It's odd to me how quickly grown ups forget what it was like to be a child. Friends handing gendered toys/assumptions to my kids like we didn't play at being witches and warriors in a post nuclear apocalypse wasteland our entire childhoods 😅
Goodness, I always thought that being a bride would be tbe most awkward and embarassing thing ever. I created a model riding school in my parents' attic with small plastic horses (all named, painted, height recorded with a scale model stick) and made stables, indoor arenas, jumping courses, etc.
I think I only ever once played pretend as a bride and it was a complex imaginary situation where I was jilted at the altar for some reason.
As a girl I was always better at making emergency bug out kits for the alien invasion than a hope chest for my future marriage. In my adult life the emergency bug out kits knowledge has helped me plan ahead for just about anything. Never married, never plan to so the hope chest would have just sat there
Until I needed the linen sheets to make a rope or bandages.
Great article. I grew up in Mormonism, so I had gender expectations pushed on me even more aggressively than they are in the mainstream culture, which is really saying something. I pushed back from my earliest memories--I don't know why, but I did. My grandparents gave my parents dire warnings that if they didn't get me to play with dolls and accept wearing dresses, I would end up "a lesbian."
I did end up being bisexual, so I guess they were 50% right, lol.
“I was always in the ravines near my home pretending to be a sorceress or a warrior navigating tense politics between rival nations.”
I hope she became a novelist. I want to read her books.
this brought up so many amazing memories for me, thank you. i was definitely a bit weird, "whimsical" as it would be referred to today. and i love that for me. 😂
Whimsy is the spice of life.
Thanks for this Professor Meredith. Brings me back to both my childhood and my Women’s studies days. So much of what women my age were taught as girls and what they historically did publicly was socially constructed as you have pointed out so eloquently here. It took me decades to find my own self once I got past my childhood.
Reading your essay brought to my mind my childhood imagination where gender roles did not matter at all/barely existed in the games and activities that my BFF and I as young girls played. We played the same outdoor activities that the boys did. Our neighborhood was pretty mixed and all of the children played together when it was out in the public arena aka street.
My BFF’s family had a ping pong table in the basement. We did indeed play ping pong at times, but mostly we played completely imaginary games under that table with little or no props. In those games, gender was irrelevant and we played all of the roles. All options were explored and we just enjoyed being ourselves - barely biting into the feminine role. Those days were pushed more and more into the past as I entered adolescence and young adulthood where I took on more of the traditional roles but I never really completely lost sight of my true self which came roaring back to me in my early 40s. But that is another very, very journey and story.
And the converse is true for boys. As a child of the 60s, my mother worried about me ‘playing with dolls’. I had an Action Man.
As a child, one of our bathrooms was my "lab". I did mysterious and magical things to anyone who dared enter. While I had Barbie dolls, they rode horses and did active things. Like driving around in Ken's jeep.
I never once played-acted bride. Seems pretty boring.
On a side note, my daughter asked for Barbie dolls. I bought her "doctor Barbie". Weird thing--the stethoscope was embedded in her chest, never to be removed. Talk about being married to your work. My kids did the same thing I did--Barbie rode horses, flew airplanes, etc. I don't remember if there was even a Ken.
I had barbies and my mom’s handmedown “Midge” dolls and I never played normal with any of them. My family was pretty low income, so most of my toys were older from my brother anyway. And a lot of “structural” toys. Lincoln Logs were a huge hit for me. I think my dad was HOPING for an engineer, he seems happy with the gender theorist/historian he got though.
This is amazing, thanks! I'd forgotten how I played when left to my own devices & now I'll be spending some time sitting with that. That little person didn't fit into anyone's boxes and tried to become as small as possible for survival. Enough of that!
Notably, I remember playing "Batman" with friends & insisting that a girl could be Batman. When I wasn't putting up food in preparation for marching into the woods & finding my own place to "Little House on the Prairie" with my dozen children (none of whom I gave birth to) & a bunch of flying monkeys.
We let the world take a hell of bite out of our weird and whimsy.
I'm in my late 50s and don't really remember what I played as a child, but I do remember loving Pippi Longstocking - oh, to be a 12 year old girl who lived alone! That was such an appealing idea. I also spent most of my time climbing trees and playing on monkey bars, or riding my bike around. I did have a doll or two, but I don't remember doing much with them.
OMG! That reminds me of the most formative book of my childhood, another one about running away from home and living in the woods. Astrid Lindgren’s “Ronia, the Robber's Daughter” I must have read that one 100 times as a kid.
I was a huge fan of the Famous Five and Secret Seven - I was all about adventure!
Now that you say it, I don't think I've ever seen a little girl play bride outside of TV/Movies
As a child I played with my youngest aunt who was just two years older but while we had dolls we preferred designing homes for them. We climbed trees, explored the vast garden, the lakes, ponds, etc. I liked my toy cars & like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes I built towns, cities & villages and then wrecked them! Not sure what that says about me. I went to space, under sea, into jungles & forests, up mountains...
Also never imagined myself as a bride. Here in South Asia the good bride sits demurely with her head board decked in red & tonnes of jewellery while everyone watches you & that to me was a nightmare situation. Neither did I want to play with dolls & be the mother. Completely natural.
It's odd to me how quickly grown ups forget what it was like to be a child. Friends handing gendered toys/assumptions to my kids like we didn't play at being witches and warriors in a post nuclear apocalypse wasteland our entire childhoods 😅