Your posts responding to male critiques in your comment section are my favorite. They show so clearly what our problem is, and why it’s so essential that we wake up now. Sadly, so many women as just as conditioned into supporting a power structure that is killing them. Killing the planet. We are at an evolutionary pinch point.
“Professor’s salary” made me laugh. I’ve looked back over ten years and mine has remained fairly stagnant the entire time, and actually in negative growth with increases in healthcare premiums, etc. resulting in the same - or lower - net pay each paycheck. This is despite having a higher teaching load than ever.
Yes! Me too. So that involved getting paid less per credit than tenured professors AND if your load wasn’t full time for any reason (usually not by choice) adjuncts are paid even less.
I took a position as an adjunct after having taught in public schools for 7 years. That choice came with a humane schedule complete with reasonable lunch & bathroom breaks, but also a $20K pay cut.
I’m a public school teacher and people have asked me if I wanted to ever be a professor and I always answer, you know they make less than public school teachers right?
This was so satisfying to read! My brother has been slogging around in the manosphere and I am so sick of the misogyny. He reminds me of the old men that used to listen to Rush Limbaugh and go around bitching all the time about God knows what. I have been trying to be patient and offer information in response but just recently I realized this has been going on for four years and I'm all done. We had a difficult conversation where I did not give any ground. I think we'll come through it but criminy. Thanks for the great read.
IT IS PRECISELY RUSH LIMBAUGH! They are using the exact same structure of finding some “other” to hate and then formulating the idea that all their woes are caused by the other. For Limbaugh it was feminism, liberals, LGBTQ folks, non-white immigrants, etc.
Must keep the pigeons isolated, to keep making money on them. The goal was always to divide and grift. If the pigeons join society as a productive, self-aware individual, no more ill gotten gains for the human stains like Tate (who looks like the personification of HPV).
Pointing out the fact that these dumfuqs are just a dollar-store knockoff of Rubbi$h Limpball$ just gobsmacks them. I've had moderate success in shutting them down by pointing out that fact.
Ugh, that blob of a grifter was so ignorant it was stunning. The first time I heard him, taking comments out of context, and making up weird explanations that made no sense, I thought he was a political satirist, like the right-wing character that Colbert would play. I laughed because he made no sense. The next day at work in the OR, a nurse talked about him. I said yeah, he's kind of funny. She explained he was NOT funny but serious! I lost respect for the American IQ that day that I don't think I will ever recover.
I, too, thought he was a comedian when I first heard one of his broadcasts. I was horrified to discover that conservatives looked up to him as they do Jesus. I still don't get it, but I do recognize it, of course.
I was about 8 years old when I first heard Rush Limbaugh on my grandpa's radio. After listening for a bit I remember thinking, this guy's a jerk and he's lying. And then looking at my Grandpa, a WWII vet and generally good guy and wondering why is he listening to him? Some things we'll never understand.
This is also the reason why I started calling out people who are younger than me who say, "We just need all these people to die". They reincarnate their ideology in the next generation, it gestates until they need to weaponize it - around the same time their sense of irrelevance kicks in - I have no lived long enough to see liberal men go conservative, and smart women go trad. -- in the name of personal choice. It won't die until we attack the problem itself, which is too many people are talking without thinking first.
Yep, they think the problem is their age and they will die off and everything will be great. But their age isn't the problem, and like the weeds in my garden, they just keep sprouting up from the same roots every season.
Sit down with this article with him! It's a perfect primer for any real discussion you might need to have and maybe it'll pop his bubble (if he's not already spoiled beyond saving)
I really appreciate it. As someone who’s been in deconstruction for five years, what held me up the longest was my own ego, putting myself at the center of the accusation.
Once I stripped that away and realized it wasn’t about me, that’s when I could actually start learning.
The defensiveness, the armor, for me it came from the fear and dread of unraveling the layers of privilege and the harm I’d caused without even trying.
The armor isn’t put on. It’s hammered into our skin. That’s why so many of us never even get that far. I love the work you’re doing!
True strength (resilience) comes from cooperation and the contributions of diverse skill sets, perspectives, and life experiences; diminishing or limiting women's contributions only harms our shared humanity. Thanks, Prof.
I hope this lands well here. As a trans woman, having been within the walls of the patriarchal and white privileged system, I concur fully with your acute observations. Its power, impact and reach is all persuasive. To reject its membership is an enforced, traumatic step into the mocked abyss, a “fall” from grace so deep that survival requires much introspective work, emotional healing and growth and the removal of painful scales from the eyes! Every moment of intense pain, shame, guilt and embarrassment was worth it. I see the world, my place within it and my new growing skill set very differently now. I believe that trans people can offer a valuable bridging service to help bring humanity to a new, more compassionate, empathic and equal setting. I will do my best to continue being a better human to all fellow humans.
I think you speak true, and that is why you, and not trans-men are seen as such a threat to the zealots. Because you voluntarily gave up your privilege card. That took massive courage. All my best to you, and may you always be able to be your best self.
I look forward to seeing you in my inbox! Your writing helps me face and rationally address the constant mansplaining, patronizing, and anti-feminist rhetoric (far too many women also engage in this verbal mistreatment masquerading as dialogue!) that is part of my life outside the sanctuary of my home. I just updated my subscription; it was time. Thank you for sharing your wisdom so freely. 💙
Decades ago I ran a small program for Vietnamese children who came to America to go to school. Viet Nam was patriarchal in the extreme. I know this because one of my staff came over with her family after the end of the war, they were personally picked up by the US military, so they were high ranked and privileged. She had 3 brothers and at the time the kids were adults and all living at home. My worker and her mother did ALL of everything at home. Now, in the program, and ours was a small program, so small sample, everyone single one of the girls excelled while living in American homes. They got top grades, were elected to offices and had many friends, To a 'man' every one of the boys failed at almost everything they did, they barely passed classes, got into trouble and were loners. While America's patriarchy was still alive and functioning these boys couldn't deal with even the equality of what girls got in America, and thus couldn't function.
patriarchy is often misunderstood as a criticism of men when, in many ways, it is also a criticism of what we have done to men.
We taught generations of boys to suppress grief, fear, tenderness, dependence, and vulnerability, then wondered why so many struggled with loneliness, anger, addiction, violence, or emotional isolation.
A system can privilege someone and still wound them.
I want a world where women are safer, yes. But I also want a world where men are allowed their full humanity. Those goals are not in conflict. They are the same goal.
You've stated this so well. I have been pleased to see that my sons have been able to exhibit closeness and feelings with their guy friends. Very different from the expectations among men when I was young. And they are the better for it. Happier, more expressive, better relationships...
I dare say you’ll probably get another dose from these fragile little turd blossoms for this post. At least they’re opening it up and giving some of the words a try 🤷♂️
Beautifully stated! I wrote a lot about this from a man’s perspective in a recent post. if you want to find reasons behind the horrors perpetrated by the website motherless, look no further than this
I love the concept of victim blaming for men. 97% of violent crimes - mostly against women - are committed by men. Pretty sure that keeps them out of the victim category. When we are mad at them, we insult them. When they are mad at us, they kill us.
Why would you be mad at “them”? You don’t even feel responsible for your father’s sins so why would the crimes of someone’s 1500 miles away be labelled on them? Who’s “they”?
Constantly reading this kind of drivel must be tiresome for young men- that they’re just bloodthirsty murderers stripped away of all humanity. No wonder they’re going RW these days.
Not surprised that you can’t put two and two together. Anyway I’m not interested in having a full fledged discussion with every idiot I come across. You do you
I see no earlier comment that your response would be in any way related to. Mine was just a courtesy call to alert you to the possibility you made an error.
I actually agree with you on the use of "them," just as I'm fed up with "The feminists" being blamed for every human problem. You didn't sling that blame, but if we can ever get to a point where people won't just notice a problem when it affects one of their identity group memberships (e.g. males or females), we could solve many problems.
“Them” is men. Men cannot change what they’re born with. It’s intrinsic. Feminists are a group who believe in certain ideas- good or bad. Just like someone who’s religious or someone who is studying to be a doctor.
It’s absolutely acceptable to blame or praise feminists/feminism for their actions as a collective cos those actions are borne out of their ideology. Just isn’t the same as “men”.
The cage metaphor at the end landed hard. "So attached to the cage they can't see the bars" — that's the whole thing. The men in those replies weren't just proving your point, they were laminating it and framing it. What gets me is how quickly systemic critique collapses into personal offense. You said: patriarchy trains people. They heard: I think you specifically are garbage. That gap is the problem. And until men can sit with a critique without turning it into a persecution narrative starring themselves, nothing changes. Thank you for naming this with precision and, honestly, a lot more patience than I would have.
Your posts responding to male critiques in your comment section are my favorite. They show so clearly what our problem is, and why it’s so essential that we wake up now. Sadly, so many women as just as conditioned into supporting a power structure that is killing them. Killing the planet. We are at an evolutionary pinch point.
“Professor’s salary” made me laugh. I’ve looked back over ten years and mine has remained fairly stagnant the entire time, and actually in negative growth with increases in healthcare premiums, etc. resulting in the same - or lower - net pay each paycheck. This is despite having a higher teaching load than ever.
I was an adjunct when I was teaching so I didn’t even get insurance or consistent schedules. It was SUPER FUN.
Yes! Me too. So that involved getting paid less per credit than tenured professors AND if your load wasn’t full time for any reason (usually not by choice) adjuncts are paid even less.
I took a position as an adjunct after having taught in public schools for 7 years. That choice came with a humane schedule complete with reasonable lunch & bathroom breaks, but also a $20K pay cut.
People do not understand this reality.
“Like” because there’s no other option. But yeah… the system thrives on the lack of academic power and lower costs of adjuncts.
Patriarchy promised men a throne. How true! Big thank you for YOU.
I’m a public school teacher and people have asked me if I wanted to ever be a professor and I always answer, you know they make less than public school teachers right?
I taught for years while making less than men because I too had been indoctrinated not to question the authority of my superiors (all men).
Only after I retired did a new interim president examine the pay scales for all “teaching staff” and raise women’s salaries to match their male ones.
This was so satisfying to read! My brother has been slogging around in the manosphere and I am so sick of the misogyny. He reminds me of the old men that used to listen to Rush Limbaugh and go around bitching all the time about God knows what. I have been trying to be patient and offer information in response but just recently I realized this has been going on for four years and I'm all done. We had a difficult conversation where I did not give any ground. I think we'll come through it but criminy. Thanks for the great read.
IT IS PRECISELY RUSH LIMBAUGH! They are using the exact same structure of finding some “other” to hate and then formulating the idea that all their woes are caused by the other. For Limbaugh it was feminism, liberals, LGBTQ folks, non-white immigrants, etc.
Must keep the pigeons isolated, to keep making money on them. The goal was always to divide and grift. If the pigeons join society as a productive, self-aware individual, no more ill gotten gains for the human stains like Tate (who looks like the personification of HPV).
“the human stains like Tate (who looks like the personification of HPV).”
🤩🤩🤩
Pointing out the fact that these dumfuqs are just a dollar-store knockoff of Rubbi$h Limpball$ just gobsmacks them. I've had moderate success in shutting them down by pointing out that fact.
Ugh, that blob of a grifter was so ignorant it was stunning. The first time I heard him, taking comments out of context, and making up weird explanations that made no sense, I thought he was a political satirist, like the right-wing character that Colbert would play. I laughed because he made no sense. The next day at work in the OR, a nurse talked about him. I said yeah, he's kind of funny. She explained he was NOT funny but serious! I lost respect for the American IQ that day that I don't think I will ever recover.
I, too, thought he was a comedian when I first heard one of his broadcasts. I was horrified to discover that conservatives looked up to him as they do Jesus. I still don't get it, but I do recognize it, of course.
Blob of a grifter (trump)
Blob of a grifter (trump)
Blob of a grifter (trump)
That description applies to both tRUMP and Limpball$.
So true! I had the same thought.
Insert “accurate!“ meme.
Blob of a grifter (trump)
Blob of a grifter (trump)
I was about 8 years old when I first heard Rush Limbaugh on my grandpa's radio. After listening for a bit I remember thinking, this guy's a jerk and he's lying. And then looking at my Grandpa, a WWII vet and generally good guy and wondering why is he listening to him? Some things we'll never understand.
Because, in case anyone has forgotten, he was a fat, ugly, nasty mouthed jerk.
This is also the reason why I started calling out people who are younger than me who say, "We just need all these people to die". They reincarnate their ideology in the next generation, it gestates until they need to weaponize it - around the same time their sense of irrelevance kicks in - I have no lived long enough to see liberal men go conservative, and smart women go trad. -- in the name of personal choice. It won't die until we attack the problem itself, which is too many people are talking without thinking first.
Yep, they think the problem is their age and they will die off and everything will be great. But their age isn't the problem, and like the weeds in my garden, they just keep sprouting up from the same roots every season.
I have the opposite situation where my 30 year old son shows more compassion, grace, and composure than I, his mother, do.
Then I suggest you remember you did a great job raising him and you had some wonderful outside influencers, ( I use that word advisedly)
He teaches me a lot.
Sit down with this article with him! It's a perfect primer for any real discussion you might need to have and maybe it'll pop his bubble (if he's not already spoiled beyond saving)
Thanks for writing this!
I really appreciate it. As someone who’s been in deconstruction for five years, what held me up the longest was my own ego, putting myself at the center of the accusation.
Once I stripped that away and realized it wasn’t about me, that’s when I could actually start learning.
The defensiveness, the armor, for me it came from the fear and dread of unraveling the layers of privilege and the harm I’d caused without even trying.
The armor isn’t put on. It’s hammered into our skin. That’s why so many of us never even get that far. I love the work you’re doing!
Me too - it's bloody hard work isn't it? I'm a teacher too, so have to fight extra hard to listen before I explain things...
For sure.
It's hard but necessary, critical even, if we are going to grow.
I try and hold space for that pain, but also know the privilege in it.
We're going through the same processes now, voluntarily, that women and marginalized people have had to do their whole lives for survival.
That humbles me, and keeps me from turning it into a pity party.
Exactly - over the years I'm finding the rewards outweigh the cost though
Thank you for the courage and the effort!
True strength (resilience) comes from cooperation and the contributions of diverse skill sets, perspectives, and life experiences; diminishing or limiting women's contributions only harms our shared humanity. Thanks, Prof.
I hope this lands well here. As a trans woman, having been within the walls of the patriarchal and white privileged system, I concur fully with your acute observations. Its power, impact and reach is all persuasive. To reject its membership is an enforced, traumatic step into the mocked abyss, a “fall” from grace so deep that survival requires much introspective work, emotional healing and growth and the removal of painful scales from the eyes! Every moment of intense pain, shame, guilt and embarrassment was worth it. I see the world, my place within it and my new growing skill set very differently now. I believe that trans people can offer a valuable bridging service to help bring humanity to a new, more compassionate, empathic and equal setting. I will do my best to continue being a better human to all fellow humans.
I think you speak true, and that is why you, and not trans-men are seen as such a threat to the zealots. Because you voluntarily gave up your privilege card. That took massive courage. All my best to you, and may you always be able to be your best self.
Very well stated! It seems that when men feel threatened in any way,They create a war against women in which they MUST win at any and all costs.
I look forward to seeing you in my inbox! Your writing helps me face and rationally address the constant mansplaining, patronizing, and anti-feminist rhetoric (far too many women also engage in this verbal mistreatment masquerading as dialogue!) that is part of my life outside the sanctuary of my home. I just updated my subscription; it was time. Thank you for sharing your wisdom so freely. 💙
Thank you so much! It is truly appreciated!
Thank you for the essay. I thought it could not get better, but then you put in the applauding seals, and, well, gosh.
I still feel I may have been insulting the seals.
Just give them a fish, they are very forgiving!
Well done! Only planetary aliens think professors actually make $. 🙄
Decades ago I ran a small program for Vietnamese children who came to America to go to school. Viet Nam was patriarchal in the extreme. I know this because one of my staff came over with her family after the end of the war, they were personally picked up by the US military, so they were high ranked and privileged. She had 3 brothers and at the time the kids were adults and all living at home. My worker and her mother did ALL of everything at home. Now, in the program, and ours was a small program, so small sample, everyone single one of the girls excelled while living in American homes. They got top grades, were elected to offices and had many friends, To a 'man' every one of the boys failed at almost everything they did, they barely passed classes, got into trouble and were loners. While America's patriarchy was still alive and functioning these boys couldn't deal with even the equality of what girls got in America, and thus couldn't function.
patriarchy is often misunderstood as a criticism of men when, in many ways, it is also a criticism of what we have done to men.
We taught generations of boys to suppress grief, fear, tenderness, dependence, and vulnerability, then wondered why so many struggled with loneliness, anger, addiction, violence, or emotional isolation.
A system can privilege someone and still wound them.
I want a world where women are safer, yes. But I also want a world where men are allowed their full humanity. Those goals are not in conflict. They are the same goal.
You've stated this so well. I have been pleased to see that my sons have been able to exhibit closeness and feelings with their guy friends. Very different from the expectations among men when I was young. And they are the better for it. Happier, more expressive, better relationships...
lol but of course!
I dare say you’ll probably get another dose from these fragile little turd blossoms for this post. At least they’re opening it up and giving some of the words a try 🤷♂️
I think half of them feed it into AI and post whatever bullshit response the AI comes up with, sadly.
I guess my hopes should lie with the AI coming around then?
FML 🤦♂️
Maybe we need to pump the LLM full of feminist theory? I hate this idea, but also…would it work?
At this point it looks like the AIs are inconveniently goofy partly by way reading all of the AI slop..
..which makes me want to try your idea but it’s hard to be optimistic in this unholy year of the socio-economic gawds 🤷♂️
Beautifully stated! I wrote a lot about this from a man’s perspective in a recent post. if you want to find reasons behind the horrors perpetrated by the website motherless, look no further than this
https://theeverydaymystic.substack.com/p/62-million-views?r=1migu6&utm_medium=ios
I love the concept of victim blaming for men. 97% of violent crimes - mostly against women - are committed by men. Pretty sure that keeps them out of the victim category. When we are mad at them, we insult them. When they are mad at us, they kill us.
Why would you be mad at “them”? You don’t even feel responsible for your father’s sins so why would the crimes of someone’s 1500 miles away be labelled on them? Who’s “they”?
Constantly reading this kind of drivel must be tiresome for young men- that they’re just bloodthirsty murderers stripped away of all humanity. No wonder they’re going RW these days.
I either do not understand your post or you accidentally sent me a response meant for someone else.
Not surprised that you can’t put two and two together. Anyway I’m not interested in having a full fledged discussion with every idiot I come across. You do you
I see no earlier comment that your response would be in any way related to. Mine was just a courtesy call to alert you to the possibility you made an error.
Just quoting statistics.
I actually agree with you on the use of "them," just as I'm fed up with "The feminists" being blamed for every human problem. You didn't sling that blame, but if we can ever get to a point where people won't just notice a problem when it affects one of their identity group memberships (e.g. males or females), we could solve many problems.
“Them” is men. Men cannot change what they’re born with. It’s intrinsic. Feminists are a group who believe in certain ideas- good or bad. Just like someone who’s religious or someone who is studying to be a doctor.
It’s absolutely acceptable to blame or praise feminists/feminism for their actions as a collective cos those actions are borne out of their ideology. Just isn’t the same as “men”.
The cage metaphor at the end landed hard. "So attached to the cage they can't see the bars" — that's the whole thing. The men in those replies weren't just proving your point, they were laminating it and framing it. What gets me is how quickly systemic critique collapses into personal offense. You said: patriarchy trains people. They heard: I think you specifically are garbage. That gap is the problem. And until men can sit with a critique without turning it into a persecution narrative starring themselves, nothing changes. Thank you for naming this with precision and, honestly, a lot more patience than I would have.