I have a keeper husband, one of the “good ones” but the shift from a full time career to sahm changed the dynamic and respect he had for my time when I was the top earner in the household.
We made a list of what it would cost to cover my workload in case I were to suddenly be absent (take a job or sudden illness, etc). We included all of the daily things I do and the things I brought to the relationship that make life less expensive for us(mower, power tools etc) that he would have to buy/ pay someone to do for him. I told him to cross off anything he would be willing to absorb into his own chore list in addition to a full time job(grocery shopping/ laundry, etc).
I asked him to price each task based on local prices so he felt it was fair. When he handed me the list he looked a little pale.
I got the impression this exercise was an eye opener for him. To replace the role of the mother/wife/ workhorse I have assumed since having children it would take his entire salary and then some. The dynamic has shifted since we did this exercise and he recognized the monetary value of my menial daily tasks.
I exercised my “option” by divorcing the useless man child who was adept at all the ploys mentioned in this article to not have to help or contribute.
Being married was fcking exhausting! Especially when you’re the only one doing everything, including trying to hold the marriage together. It wasn’t worth the effort. Eighteen years was a prison sentence of slave labor.
My workload was immediately reduced by 95% and I only had to manage my life. Blissfull!
As a friend said, that was 170 pounds I could afford to lose.
There is a very unfortunate typo mid-article, occurring right after the phrase 'women of color'. I don't normally point out typos, but in this context you might want to edit it.
"The chores we culturally code as “women’s work” tend to be the ones that are relentless. They happen every day, sometimes multiple times a day. They’re time-sensitive. They’re hard to postpone without consequences" -- I noticed this so fast as a kid.
Wow. Closest thing my family had to this was Dad and I not being able to read a thing on Mom's list and calling to see if it was any of our guesses. (In our defense she used VERY loopy cursive that was hard to parse)
So much of the gendered dichotomy of housework is from that period. Certainly earlier eras had this problem too. But it was less pronounced in some ways.
I have a keeper husband, one of the “good ones” but the shift from a full time career to sahm changed the dynamic and respect he had for my time when I was the top earner in the household.
We made a list of what it would cost to cover my workload in case I were to suddenly be absent (take a job or sudden illness, etc). We included all of the daily things I do and the things I brought to the relationship that make life less expensive for us(mower, power tools etc) that he would have to buy/ pay someone to do for him. I told him to cross off anything he would be willing to absorb into his own chore list in addition to a full time job(grocery shopping/ laundry, etc).
I asked him to price each task based on local prices so he felt it was fair. When he handed me the list he looked a little pale.
I got the impression this exercise was an eye opener for him. To replace the role of the mother/wife/ workhorse I have assumed since having children it would take his entire salary and then some. The dynamic has shifted since we did this exercise and he recognized the monetary value of my menial daily tasks.
I exercised my “option” by divorcing the useless man child who was adept at all the ploys mentioned in this article to not have to help or contribute.
Being married was fcking exhausting! Especially when you’re the only one doing everything, including trying to hold the marriage together. It wasn’t worth the effort. Eighteen years was a prison sentence of slave labor.
My workload was immediately reduced by 95% and I only had to manage my life. Blissfull!
As a friend said, that was 170 pounds I could afford to lose.
There is a very unfortunate typo mid-article, occurring right after the phrase 'women of color'. I don't normally point out typos, but in this context you might want to edit it.
"The chores we culturally code as “women’s work” tend to be the ones that are relentless. They happen every day, sometimes multiple times a day. They’re time-sensitive. They’re hard to postpone without consequences" -- I noticed this so fast as a kid.
Wow. Closest thing my family had to this was Dad and I not being able to read a thing on Mom's list and calling to see if it was any of our guesses. (In our defense she used VERY loopy cursive that was hard to parse)
But "cannot find potatoes?" Buuuuullshit.
Thank you!
So much of the gendered dichotomy of housework is from that period. Certainly earlier eras had this problem too. But it was less pronounced in some ways.